Reality Check

34 weeks, 2 days. It equals out to about 8 months pregnant.

Last night and this morning's conversation with Travis gave me a huge reality check. This week is my last week of work and my boss brought me a thank you present filled with bath stuff from bath and body works. Then she surprised me with things she got for little Kylee. She and I always exchange puppy stories about our dogs and when she saw booties that looked like puppies, she bought them. They're precious. She also got her a little easter bunny beanie, some pajamas, some Johnson and Johnson bath stuff and the sweetest little dress with purple lace on it. I love it all :) When I got home and showed Travis, he began listing off on his fingers what we have left to do, i.e., pack my hospital bag, figure out what Kylee will wear for her coming home outfit, etc. Then this morning, during our conversation, he asked, "how far along are you again?" My response, "34 weeks, 2 days." He did the math and I'm now 8 months pregnant. When did THAT happen? I hung up the phone and sat down for a second just thinking...

In a little over a month, Kylee will be here. Kylee. Will be. Here. As in, in my arms. That's so crazy to think about! I feel like yesterday we gave the news to our family and here I am, one month away from having her. It's a happy and terrifying feeling at the same time. Travis asked me the other night if I am scared. Scared of not being a good mom. In a way, I am. This is something that I have wanted for a long time. Just to be a mom. It sounds silly, being only 23 and saying that but that's what I've wanted. I feel like that's what will make me the happiest. And now, a month away from that role, I have no clue what to do. You hear that the maternal instinct kicks in, sure, but it doesn't take away the fear I have that I have no idea what I am doing.

I am also so unprepared. I've been working full time for the last few months so things around the house have been neglected. Her room is finished with furniture set up but I have clothes to wash and things to put away and we havent even had our showers yet. I have to wait until after those are done to do the things I need to do (or at least I tell myself that). I know it will all get done and I'm sure once my serious nesting hits, it will be more than satisfying for me.

Tonight is Bible study with Beth Moore. I really enjoy this day of the week every week. I had never heard her speak before I joined in on this Bible study thanks to a friend asking me and I definitely have missed out on a lot before! She is fantastic and knows how to really present the Word in a way that captivates every single heart in the room. The host church for this Bible study is our home church, First Baptist Houston, and seats 3,000 people in the sanctuary. The doors open at 6 and usually people are FLOODING in the doors then. By 6:15, the sanctuary is packed and they have had to open the chapel and random rooms for overflow. Unfortunately, that means the parking lot is full by 5:30 and there is no hope of getting a parking space or let alone a seat if you're any later than that. Being 8 months pregnant, having to park off site and walk that distance is not fun but thankfully I have a grandmother who lives next door to the church (literally) and I am able to park at her place and walk the short distance to the church if there are no more spots left. Tuesdays really are the highlight of my week. Never a doubt in my mind that it will be a great night!

Back to work I go but just wanted to type out those thoughts really quickly, get them off my mind.